You have endless choices...but few real options.
Hungover and stuck at a job you hate, will you show up for your big presentation, or duck out with Debby, the HR rep with an FDR fetish? Play the weird lump on your back for office-wide sympathy, or dive into an internet spiral that can only end in ten kinds of cancer ? Tell someone about the weird genital-fondling that s happening at the crystal healer s, or just accept that this is the best substitute you ll find for love, today...or maybe ever?
From two comedy writers and former contributors to THE ONION comes a parody of a choose-your-own-adventure tale the story of your soul-crushing existence. Having choices is great when you re a kid, but in the adult world, the only options are endless varieties of misery. It s okay, though. A life of adventure would require so many uncomfortable sleeping situations. Besides, you have dental. Keep reminding yourself about the dental.